buggin' out

This past Saturday I received a congratulatory phone call from one of my favorite sister-in-laws (they‘re all my favorite). I was pulling crabgrass while I was sitting in the back yard conversing with her. From the corner of my eye I saw this little fly go whizzing by and boom, heard him make a three-point landing in my ear. Buzzzz. His little wings were just flapping away and when he wasn’t flapping, his little feet made the noise of giant tromping through a forest.

I immediately stuck my finger in my ear but realized that might not be a good thing to do as it could force the little bugger down farther. I got off the phone and woke up Wayne who was trying to sleep off the flu. “Wayne, Wayne , I need your help. I have a bug in my ear!” I really don’t understand the rolling of one’s eyes when someone is in distress. Hmmph. But he did get up and tried to help me. The tweezers were just not long enough to get to him. At this point I am envisioning this bug going deeper into my head.

Did you guys ever see the Night Gallery episode where the guy gets an earwig (pincher bug) in his ear? The earwig basically eats its way through the guy’s ear canal. After the doc ties the guy to the tree for three days to allay the craziness he was bound to endure from the munching of the earwig, the earwig crawls out the other ear. The doc delivered the fantastic news to the guy who was absolutely elated that he had survived the ordeal. But it didn’t end there. The doc went on to advise the guy that it was a female earwig and it had left behind eggs. YIKES!!!! That was probably the last time I ever watched that stupid series.

So I am thinking about this episode as I drove myself to the nearest Urgent Care. After a 20 minute wait, I am called in by the nurse techie guy they have nowadays that checks you in. He takes my bp, then my temp (in my other ear, mind you) and follows it with, “So, what’s ailing you today?”, or something to that effect. I said, “I have a bug in my ear.” To which he replied, “You mean you have an ear ache. Do you have a fever?” What is up with that? Was he thinking “bug” like “flu”? I don’t get it. I almost lost it, but instead, I said, “No, a bug, you know, like a fly.” He just rolled his eyes at me and wrote my complaint down. Enter the doctor. When I told him I had a bug in my ear, he looked at me in disbelief and said, “And how do you know this?”

What is up with these people?????? Is this casual conversation at its best? I am not getting it. The doc looks in my ear with his ear-thingy and announces he can not see a bug in my ear. Oooookay.

Then he goes to look in my other ear, which prompts me to say, “Oh, do you think it crawled out the other side?” He smirked. What was he looking in my other ear for?????? Why???? I don’t get it. He assured me there is no bug in my ear but if there was and if it attempted to crawled into my inner sanctum, it would die on the way in my ear wax. Apparently that is what ear wax is for. To kill things that climb in your ear. Go figure.

He said someday I may see bug parts in my ear wax when I clean my ear. Who would have ever thunk it? I can hardly wait. I have been jamming Q-tips in my ear for three days. No bug parts. I’ll share pic’s when it happens.